dear Diary #10

"HERE, HOLD MY GLASS...!"

Dear Diary,

Has someone ever said or done something so terrible that made you feel like, 'If someone does not hold me, it's gonna get bloody today!' ? OR: Any situation where you felt like saying, 'Here, hold my glass, let me clean up this mess!', in a ready-to-fight mode? OR: Have you ever gotten so upset to the point where you entire body gets "the shakes", sweating, and you could literally feel your heart pounding in your chest like a talking drum??

Here, come take this chair, move in a bit... cloosseerr... *whispers* we're going to dissect that today, you and I.😊

I'm yet to meet a living being that has never gotten offended or upset about anything. Sometimes it's not even an individual, but a situation can get you so angry you lose your cool and sometimes sense of reasoning. Even animals get upset! Try stepping on dog's tail, then you'll see how "friendly" they are.🤣

Unfortunately, sometimes, the only encounter people will have with us is that moment of weakness, where we are so angry and let out our rage. Some will hold on to this, and go on with a perception of us which is directly opposite who we actually are.

With respect to this, cut people some slack. Everyone deserves more than one chance to prove themselves. A first impression is a lasting impression, they say. Nonetheless because we are human, this is not set in stone. People evolve, grow...they become better or worse. Just because you see someone in a certain light today does not mean they will remain like that forever. Cut people some slack, and hand out 'benefit of the doubt' generously.

Now back to the elephant in the room. It's OKAY to get upset. It's perfectly normal to be angry about something. That makes you human. Some people are good at ignoring things, some people aren't. It takes experience, conscious decisions, and sometimes good counsel to learn to keep emotions under control or refuse to react to a situation. BUT it is of great importance, and a sense of urgency needs to employed to master control. Uncontrolled anger is like a wildfire in a dry forest, it's difficult to quench, burns up everything in it's path, leaving little to nothing alive.

Almost always, your reaction is what determines how a situation will turn out. Anger is just an expression of our displeasure. It does not actually solve anything. Communicating, talking it out, getting your point across with the aim of finding a solution is what solves the problem.

One day, at work, a patient's relative came in asking to see the doctor in charge of her Aunt. My senior colleague responded. Without much hesitation she started demanding to see test results, and diagnosis, and plan of management. He asks, "Please are you an immediate relative?". Immediately offended, she responds, "I am the one paying the bills. You will answer all my questions. Else you can continue paying her bills if you can". Oooh boy! If you know me, you know that by this time my heart was already somersaulting in my chest. Thank God my face was covered; my expressions alone would have made it worse!🤣. Throwing her hands in the air, speaking on top of her voice, this woman went to the extent of asking him, "Who do you think you are?!". My senior colleague (hats off to you to Dr. A-M), was so calm. When she was would take a break from screaming, he would calmly explain to her again that he could only disclose delicate information to immediate family members. I was amazed. I looked at him in disbelief. I learned something that day. He remained calm, maintained his composure, and refused to be bothered or upset by the things she said to him.

Anger + Anger = FIRE DISASTER. Understand this, please.

NOTE: If you throw things about in your anger, or hit people, or insult people, you need help. Get help immediately, before it's too late.

Let's walk through a few things you can do, when you feel that anger coming in (trust me, you can always tell):

Walk Away. Walking away from a quickly escalating situation may seem "weak" to some people, but in fact, you would have saved yourself a lot of stress, and prevented negative things you don't actually mean from spewing out of your mouth. You can say, "Look, I don't think this will end well. Let's talk some other time, when we're both calm", and then walk away.
Take in deep breaths. Have you realised that once anger starts to set in, your heart rate and respiratory rate increases?? No?😳 Oh, just pay attention. That's your cue to take in deep breaths, to remind yourself that this is not a fight or flight situation. I need to calm down.
Take frequent sips of water. This is something my Dad taught me, drinking water. I'm not sure how or why this works, but it does. It really does. Don't go drinking warm water o, it has to be room temperature or cold. 😂
DO NOT SPEAK. This is a huge one. For some, words tend to easily roll off their tongues when they're upset. This is dangerous. Why? Because when we're upset, we seem to be overly sensitive, and take offense at the slightest thing. Also, we tend to easily remember the not-so-nice parts of the person; you may end up saying things you probably don't mean and destroy a friendship over something that could have solved amicably.
You don't have to react to EVERYTHING. Sometimes the best response to an annoying situation is to ignore. Unless it's something you absolutely have to address, ignoring some things is the best road to peace.
Consider your words carefully. Think twice, even three times before you say something to someone when angry. It's best not to speak, but if you must, make sure you think through your words thoroughly, carefully, before you do. Don't be quick to speak. Take your time. And tell yourself, I want to solve a problem, not point fingers.

Anger management is not only necessary in the home or in friendships, we need it in our work places and even public gatherings; because people can upset you anywhere. It's important to "carry your head", and make good choices even when you're still angry.

"When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to a hundred"

~Thomas Jefferson

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"

~H.B.P

"People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm"

~H.B.P

Remain calm, and think objectively all the time.❤